Trying times....

I feel like I'm always being tested..... The Lord is really trying to make me see that he is the only one that really has my back and knows what I need.... He's also testing my faith in him .. He wants me to 100% believe that he will bring me out of any storm. I believe in God and I pray to him (not as often as I should).. I let the flesh in me dictate my reaction instead of praying for guidance ... 

I've been giving way to much power over my life to others. Whether it's my boyfriend, friend or family I let people tell me what to do, how to feel, what I should feel and I've had enough. No one knows my heart but The Lord, not even me! I say that because many times I feel LOST! I can't get my thoughts or emotions together to figure out anything. I know EXACTLY what I want in life.. I want a family of my own, success, respect, a happy marriage or atleast one with great communication to talk through any issues... I want your typical fairy tale house with a white picket fence. But as we all know sometimes you have to go through the nightmare to get the fairy tale ending you know you deserve....

Sometimes I feel like checking out.....

I often ask myself, "WHY?" Why me? Why is it always a constant battle? Why couldn't I have my baby? I would have been a great mother.... Why do people treat me the way they do? I'm not a bad person. But like I said in the beginning The Lord is testing me! I've been going through the most but still I believe in fighting! I'm a fighter !!! I'm a survivor!!!