Extremely scared I drove myself to the hospital... When I arrived I sat in triage and waited for so long before the doctor came in. When she examined me and the baby through ultrasound she diagnosed the issue as "round ligament pain". But..... I was also having discharge. She checked the discharge and it tested positive for amniotic fluid. Then she checked my cervix which was 2 cm dilated. She told me she would have to get the high risk doctor.
My best friend came to keep me company until my mother came. After waiting "HOURS" finally two doctors came in and told me that there is a high chance that it is an infection but they wanted to do an Amniocentesis to check. They proceeded to tell me that if there was infection the best thing to do was to deliver the baby in which he would not survive. After hysterically crying one of the doctors checked my cervix again. At that point I was 3 cm dilated. All that ran through my mind is "I want my baby!" All I needed to hear is how I could save my baby. I would have sacrificed myself for my son to live!
The doctors stepped out to give us some time to think after giving the pros and cons of the procedure. Not too long after they came back with another doctor that said without even doing the Amniocentesis he knows I have an infection from the high fever I spiked. He said no matter what they did the baby was coming and because of the infection they wouldn't stop it because it could kill me also! I couldn't catch my breath! At the point my mom said we needed to call my boyfriend who I told to go on to work that its probably nothing.
The doctors moved me to a different room and set me up on IV fluids and said they would give it a while to see if my fever and everything would calm down. My contractions became closer but not as painful. My fever went away which gave some hope. The doctor did another check and I was still 3 cm dilated but the membrane was bulging and he felt a foot or hand. At that point he said the baby is coming and he suggested inducing me to speed the process and "stop all this" because I had been in so much pain.
My boyfriend didn't understand what was going on. After listening to the doctor he became angry because he didn't know why they wouldn't try to save our baby. He didn't understand about the infection or that because he's so little they would cause more damage trying to place breathing tubes in him. All I could do was cry and I kept saying, "I want my baby"! Over and over again!
I spent about 6-7 hours in active labor I had our angel at 8:40 am Sunday, April 21, 2013 at 0 lbs, 11 oz and 9.5 inches. He was completely perfect in every way possible from his little mouth (which is the same as mine) and his little chin and feet. He looked like his father.
I couldn't cry at that point. I was in shock. I delivered him naturally with an epidural and I keep playing every event, every sound in my mind. My son lived! He was alive for 4 hours and the doctors said he wouldn't make it through delivery. He moved, he opened his mouth, he knew who his mommy and daddy were and still are.
That was the most traumatic and most difficult things I've ever been through in my life!
People keep telling me how strong I am and how my son is in heaven with God and how he saved my life by being born. So I could get treated for the infection.
Although I am grateful for all my support with from friends and family I still question losing my son. I know you shouldn't question God but this pain in my heart I can't understand. With time hopefully I pray I can handle it better.
No comments:
Post a Comment