CAN'T SLEEP.

Some days I feel like I can conquer the world and other days I feel so helpless and hopeless. I visioned my life being so much different right now. It's my fault for thinking fairytales were real and after all your pain you get your happy life and white picket fence. I know my story isn't over but sometimes I get so tired of rewriting each chapter. Planning for happiness and comfort that may never come and BOOM a hurricane called life comes swooping in and it's back to the drawing boards. It feels like the jokes are always on me. My pain is entertainment to some people. It's amusing to see me cry. I'm ready to be able to breathe again but as soon as I think things could get on track here comes another storm to knock me off track. I always wanted to be a mother.. I wanted to be the type to make memories with their kids and be a role model and provider but the more I work towards my dream the harder it becomes. I'm just physically, mentally and emotionally tired.

Note to SELF!

I think I will start writing as if I'm talking to myself. Not to sound crazy or anything but I just dont think anyone really reads my blog. I forget that I have a blog sometimes.. Today a great new friend reminded by mentioning that she should start a blog. I hope she does because she has some good tips for living a healthier lifestyle. Anywho... here it goes.

Self, get it together! It's okay if people don't understand you or value what you can bring to the table. You need to start being proud of the things you've accomplished and stop thinking you aren't worth. I know because of past experiences it's so easy to be down on yourself but realize that your better than you think.. Stop trying to please anyone but yourself.. It's impossible and you'll drive yourself insane trying!

And girl you know you did not need 3 slices of pizza. You need to gain more control. Your future depends on the choices you make now. You can do it. Remember what you say, "If there's a will, there's a way!"

<3 Janaya