First and foremost I titles this "#1 Selfie" b/c it's an awesome title and also when people take pictures of themselves aka SELFIES they get to reflect and look at themselves. So my selfie posts will be just that! I will look back on myself and reflect on my emotions and lessons that I've learned about myself, the world or other people. It feels so good to just type and get everything out of my system without my hand cramping from holding a pen. And this blog is basically my private journal anyway because no one reads it.
Sweet Jesus! I have so many things running through my mind constantly. I'm feeling really mentally and physically exhausted. It seems like people reveal their true feelings about you when anger is involved. Apparently, I'm not a very "likeable" person, I always have something to say and I play the victim role. These things may be true but I think their is a little "victim" in everyone. Life fucking sucks sometimes really bad! And it shows in the faces and actions of EVERYONE. That's just the way it is. I think that there is no such thing as completely finding oneself. I feel that life is a constant journey and through everything we go through we find a different part of us that we didn't know existed.
I missed work and school yesterday... I really didn't get any sleep the night prior. I needed that day to figure everything out. I've learned that the person that I am may never be accepted but that's okay. I'm exhausted with trying to be accepted and be myself. I've also learned that my opinion is not wanted or appreciated and in reality when it comes down to importance I'll will always be disposable to the people in my life. (Oh shoot, I sound like a victim). But moral of the story is I'm NEVER commenting on anything again and If someone is being offensive towards me or people I care about I'm going to turn the other cheek.
Aside from that I need to work on softening my heart. I need to work on how I carry myself and how I come across to people. I don't know when I became so mean but I feel it and it hurts. Even when I tell myself I need to be nicer and even when I try I still feel mean. People irritate me, EVERYTHING irritates me. Even if it's not all my fault I need to work on how I react to things. Even ignorance, it's not worth the headache.
