Racing mind .....

I wish I could think straight right now. Nothing makes sense. I have no motivation to do anything right now. I'm hurt... Where do I go from here? What do I do now? How do I go on?

People tell me that I have to continue to live and try to get back to normal. But what is normal!? I was planning my entire life around my son not because he was my responsibility but because I wanted it. Motherhood! Even though I am a mother although my baby lives in heaven. I want to raise a child and do all the fun things children love to do.

I want to try again to have another baby. My doctor told me to wait a year which feels like a lifetime! I don't want to replace my son that would be impossible but I want to give him a brother or a sister.

I have to make sure I get my health together and make sure my infection is gone. I miss my baby so much .....

I find myself saying out loud : "Mommy loves you Adrian!"